Within what appears to be a relatively normal life, there are chapters and details that can only be described as cruel and dark. For a time, I assumed that it was all a misunderstanding. Eventually, with faith and hard work, the balance of karma, or the grace of God’s mercy, would work to realign the events towards peace and joy. Along the path, many notions of potential were explained, such as the Universe, The ‘Vortex’, and even The Matrix. I worked hard and patiently, relying on the scriptures, and some Gnostic ideas, to walk a path that might find success. Otherwise, how could the difficulty of the journey make sense?
So it was at the age of 42, I considered to join the Freemasons. My Gradfather was a Mason, and I had read some interesting ideas within Dan Brown’s books, such as ‘The Lost Symbol’. My family had mostly grown distant with time and old friends had moved on since I had returned from an extended time overseas. I read about fraternity and their goal of making good men better. I submitted a simple application form and a brief talk with two established Masons to consider the process of joining.
Well, perhaps in an unusual twist of fate, I was compelled to travel overseas again suddenly. My intuition nudged me to attend to family, so I went. What occurred on that trip is perhaps a situation for another day. However, by higher calculation, the superior ranking of another was insisted upon towards my mind. By words and symbols, a manipulation was crafted to build a case beyond words and symbols. In subtle threats built upon conditioning, the souls of loved ones from a future cycle were threatened. I thought it may have been out of jest, I thought it may even have been for learning, however the potential for paedophilia was enough to ensure I couldn’t walk past the issues lightly.
It became clear that my whole life had been so strange, because I had always walked against the shadow of this reaction to an initiation that hadn’t yet occurred. As a Jehovah’s Witness boy, the initiation was primed as a way to place upon me the entire problems of the world. The whole scene was sculptured to make a sacrifice out of me. It was by a strange alchemy of family influences that it had been calculated to lose, and I was able to recognize it was based on a future event.
This way of seeing arranged in my mind an opportunity. If we love our lives and our societies, might there be a curious gift in these events. Now I agree that some chapters of my life are embarrassing and even genuinely unhealthy. Yet, we had before us a scene where initiation and non-initiation had produced a kind of space that we could look upon. A Schrodinger’s cat experiment, filled with the living details of our time, including the crimes, mysteries and accidents that had occurred. The whole world, arched back upon itself from infra vibrations. The morning framed as evening, the dinosaurs recycled, the threat of returning to our own birth matched only by the threat of these cycles being used for farming and pets.
Somewhere between two paths, there was another design of a spiral where the space of a different choice remained viable. My family had a history with both paths, JW.org and Freemason. Yet, I couldn’t see how much events of my journey had been inflicted by this misalignment. As a patsy and a fool, I had been groomed, and so my heredity sat in line with it. Yet, somehow, by the favor of God, we may have inherited perhaps just enough room within the gap to solve some problems and mysteries for ourselves and times to come.
I challenge the careful and respectful study of this paradox. Where the influences of many systems may fit together in a kind of jigsaw puzzle, the picture formed within the margins of this variance may produce a kind of key that can solve mysteries and even shed light on crimes that continue to hold our generation and societies back. There seemed to be a suggestion that some effort was made to burn away the evidence. It sounded like this was regretted by those who tried.
In this story, a few emails, a few pieces of paper, a flight and perhaps some online posts, have provided for us a possible way to finally elevate our path in a new direction. Beyond the orbit of a rigid plan, the margins of potential timing and choice can become a sort of window. A space where we can invest our power wisely and pray divine spirit uplifts our shared dreams for tomorrow.
Tristan James Johns 